Triggering a Hot Flash

Yesterday, grandma Sanka called and told me about all of our friends and family who can no longer read this blog because of the porn website redirect.  It straight up, triggered a hot flash which I often get from stress or embarrassment. I'm so frustrated with the internet and I feel so unknowing because this problem is more difficult to remedy than I had hoped. I am confident that I lost the rights to www.youngladyoldcancer.com for the year because my credit card information changed when my Visa was stolen in Mexico and now I have to redirect the blog to a new domain (a new www.) It will happen but it will take a few more days. I miss you guys too and I'm sad about both my stupidity and the difficulty involved with internet log-ons and such.

On the upside, totally got a win this week when a great friend from school recognized me. That never happens anymore. My favorite teachers don't, my friends from high school typically don't, and I can slip undetected into all of the malls that I've been banned from. That last one was a test because I would never jeopardize my access to shopping malls. You may have realized that I spend a copious amount of time in shopping malls. Sharve, one of my college roommates, says that my cheekbones and jaw look different now that I'm skinnier but I still feel that I look the same. I guess that some people are just good at facial recognition. They should use that skill to create a lucrative career in spy work.

Wish me luck,
Cailey

Testing Out Your New Medical Jargon

Last weekend at a bachelorette party the standard shenanigans were taking place which included round after round of shots done by everyone but myself and one sweet pregnant girl. We were five rounds of shots into the party when, a not intentionally unkind woman, told me that she is in Human Resources and she helps people like "me" with their work claims. I saw the signs that this talk was going to veer off course way before she spoke the words that would make me feel weird, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her proceed. I always hope that people will rein themselves in before they put their feet in their mouths, but then again I'm an optimist. With the verbal swagger of an adolescent who knows someone that's been to a nightclub, Ms. HR says to me "so, what's your prognosis?"


Oh honey... no she didn't just ask a bald, dragged-her-ass to this party, metastatic patient what her prognosis is. Did she? Even though I am a wrestling coach, I decided not to pin her to the sticky bar floor, because she was out of her league and I knew it even though she didn't. So down the rabbit hole we went. I hoped she was ready for this wild ride; her confidence in asking such a question was apparent, but not warranted. I gave her as little information as I thought she could handle while intoxicated and wearing a see-through shirt. Here's how our little chat went:


See-Through Shirt: So, what's your prognosis?
Cailey: (thinking pause) Well, I'll probably be on chemo forever.
STHR: (Bambi eyed) Like forever?
Cailey: Yup
STHR: (confused and starting to feel the delayed horror) and.....?
Cailey: and I'll most likely always have cancer.
STHR: (scared silence...)
Cailey: Let's get you guys another round of shots. The Godfather shot looks pretty good, huh?

I can only come away from this situation knowing that I learned a bit of a lesson, and I can hope that she learned one as well. The lesson I learned was that we don't need to embarrass those foolish enough to pretend they're as tough as people who have been through IT (whatever IT is, because anything that is really difficult could be IT.) If they are actually kind people then they'll find themselves embarrassed all on their own; there isn't a need to force the embarrassment.

She made the mistake of trying to sound smart when she really didn't know what she was talking about. I forgave her because I've made that mistake too and I'm still sheepish about my misunderstanding of the term "mile high club." It's not a very cool club to belong to unless you enjoy venereal growths and cramped spaces.

Love,
Cailey

Third Day After Chemo: An Insiders View

What will you feel like on the third day after chemotherapy? Well take a gander at this video to find out and I also included a short visual of how to inject yourself with Neulasta. It's a twofer!!!

The Night After Chemo....

Body Hair and Chemo

I tried to photograph my head hair but at least you can see my new brows

See my old brows? Those are all natural.

I have found that one question that few people are brave enough to ask but are curious about is the status of all your hair when a person is on chemotherapy. Although slightly rude to ask another grown-up about their pubic hair I'll admit that I'd be curious if I wasn't on the knowing end.

 About 10-14 days after your first intravenous chemo* you'll notice that your head hair is falling out more than usual but still within a range that isn't terrifying. Between days 14-17 it will come out whenever your head is touched and a lot will be falling out. You'll leave collections on your sink and your pillow as well as any hat you try on at the mall (sorry Lululemon staff.) After that you'll be motivated to cut or shave it because you'll start looking patchy and then you'll be baldish with a few strong hangers on.
After, at least, a month of treatment you'll notice that your armpits don't really need shaving anymore and that you have few leg hairs. I still have 20% of my arm and leg hair but it's very subtle also the pubic hair region is diminished by three quarters but not like a landing strip, you pervs. More like a badly tended lawn in Calgary that requires grass seed. There may come a day on this chemo, because it did on my last one, that you have almost no body hair left and that means no pubes, no leg hair, no nose hairs and I had only one eyeleash. I was on my last intravenous treatment for 11 rounds or 9 months and it didn't happen until halfway through. I also know that people pay many dollars to be hairless and yet, I found it kind of creepy so to each their own.

A bath in the shedding phase, after chemo

When you're hair grows back it comes back quickly and fairly thick. I needed to shave my armpits within a month of its return and my eye lashes were stubby but thick. Sadly, my eyebrows never came in as dark or as thick as they were before chemo but all my other hair returned to normal including my head. I know that some people have a change in texture or colour but that wasn't my experience. Now, are you happy to know this or completely grossed out?

*Intravenous chemo seems to be stronger than pill chemo as far as hair loss is concerned. I had all my hair during the 9 months I was on pill chemo but lost almost all when I was using chemo given by needle. It must target your fast growing cells differently because intravenous also affects your esophageal lining and gastrointestinal tract (other areas of fast cell turn over.)

Heck Yes, Hard Work is Worth It

Sometimes when I go to the gym, to yoga or swim laps, I feel like a person with no grace or stamina. It really feels like my endeavors won't accomplish anything but today I discovered that those efforts have changed the way my body both moves and feels.

Last fall, I was able to stop using crutches but I was still trying to regain my mobility. It was a slow process that had spanned over 6 months since I had had 3 vertebral disintegrations (thanks to bone-eating cancer.) I asked Curtis, the head honcho of trainers at World Health Macleod, to assign me a trainer who "was one of their best ones and who knew about backs" so he hooked me up with Patrick, a trainer who had a serious back injury a decade ago. The first day we trained together Patrick had me do a series of exercises to scope out my ability and twice I had to ask him if we could stop and I, embarrassingly, had to cry because the lunges and squats were so painful.

Today, I not only did unassisted squats and lunges but we added weights and I didn't have to cry at all! We were both so pleased and frankly, Patrick was also kind of surprised at how easy it was for me. I hadn't realized how much progress we'd made even though I'm in much less pain today than I once was. So keep at your athletics, stay moving even when it seems like nothing and you'll be rewarded with progress. If I can stop using canes and dance with Kill again after breaking my back then I know that you can lose weight, gain flexibility, feel beautiful in your body and so many more of your goals. Good luck and I know that you'll do so well.

Love,

Cailey

Toughen Up

Last week I felt a little rough as it turns out this chemo has started to reach it's highest level of toxicity. On Friday, dad and I went to the gym although I had to hop out of the car and vomit both before and after. However, my favorite part of the day was that he didn't offer to skip the work out and I didn't ask, so we helped each other be tough. I think that pretty often someone will give you permission to go home and relax and that you could take that suggestion and run with it but you shouldn't because you're not going to be great like that. You need to do things that make you feel proud and to be like the people that you most admire.

A few weeks ago I had two baseball hats made with the words Casey and Chemie on them as well as the blog on the back in embroidery. Patrick the trainer told me that after wearing my custom made Lids hat store hats (Lids store in Chinook Mall does custom hats for cheap for example, my two together only cost 45$) the trainers at World Health Club Chinook all read my blog and then posted about it on their website. It was really cool and he said that they're all really impressed with my toughness during cancer treatment. He also says that other customers want to know about me because they think it's great that a young bald woman and her dad come to gym so often. Way to go us, be great this week even if you have to barf mid-way through.

Love,

Cailey