Putting yourself "out there"

I've had the best e-mails from people that I know and who love me. I few of them have told me that they're nervous of putting things on the internet. I see their point because as a teacher there are things we're not recommended to put up either: anything rated R, criticizing our school district or personal information about our students.

I'm not worried about putting this on the internet, I suppose that someone could stalk me but I sincerely doubt it! I want the most amount of people to share in my mantras. Which are are that people survive and that it could be us, that there is hope and that human beings do amazing things. I recently read on the Young Adult Cancer Blog that "you can't wish cancer away" and I got scared that with illness you can't create good change with your mind/actions. Kill saw that quote differently, he thought that it meant that you must go further than wishing and create new practice in your life to foster change. I felt instantly better because, of course, that's true and I do that each day. i think that we all do that, in little steps. Like my grandma's 15 minute Guerilla Gardening (that's exactly how I clean too). Do what you can and then feel proud of it.

I'm proud of all my peeps out there, you're really helping me feel loved and it's working.

Tricks of a vegan foodie

I'm posting nice and late today because I spent the day relaxing :). Today, I took my pills and was pleasantly surprised to find so many left-overs in our fridge for lunch.

You may know that Kill and I went vegan about 1 month after I started chemo, although, I still ate fish for months afterward because I'm a tough sell. The best thing about being vegan is that I didn't gain the 20 pounds or get the constipation that comes from chemo (too much information?) Now my weight has stayed down (something, I think, benefits many illnesses) and when I tried on wedding dresses last week I fit into a sample size. Now, I know that I'm gloating but that feeling was brand new for me, seeing as I was always a little fleshy prior to my diagnosis. Not fat, but a consistent size 10/12 and with periodic turkey neck in photos.

So why am I torturing you with this info? There are some tricks I use to eat just enough food to be full. I bought cute salad/dessert plates and we only use those for our meals. We use a full size plate as a platter. I don't warm up extra food anymore because then I feel I should eat it (or it will go bad). I drink water before I eat.... actually, I've started drinking mostly water. I was inspired this Christmas when I was at my grand parents house and the lovely man who runs Mountain Equipment Co-op in Calgary told me that he drinks water and... only water. At the time, I thought he was strange but the idea percolated in my mind for a few months. Water has no negative impact and it helps everything in me work. I still drink herbal tea (my favourite) and the occasional soy/almond beverage but less than before*. We've also started using small spoons to eat with instead of large ones. Every little bit helps right?

Today, I put my delicious lunch: 2 small pickles, 2 carrots, herb salad with balsamic vinegar, brown rice and lentil curry and half of a bean cake in some flat bread on a small plate. Then I took a picture of it next to a big plate, I measured the plates (8 inches and 11 inches), I moved all my food onto the bigger plate, I moved my food back to the small plate, I realized that I'd now dirtied 2 plates and have no dishwasher, I was then tempted to lick the big plate clean and put it back in the cupboard but I decided not to be disgusting so I washed it by hand. What  had I learned? I would have eaten more if I had more space on my plate, a few more carrots, extra rice, etc..

Why does tricking yourself work so well? I don't know, but I do it all the time by smiling, humming and telling myself "good job". I trick myself into feeling good and hell, it's working.

*note: don't take your pills with anything but water, a clever pharmacist taught me that last week. It turns out that some medications can be rendered 50% less effective by doing that!!