The Babymaking Question

Recently, many of my female friends have been thinking that they want to have a baby, have recently had one or are just about to give birth. This makes them wonder if I wish for a baby or what Kill and I may be able to do about having children.

The truth is that I would love to be a mother, in any capacity that I get to have. I believe that it is unwise to, knowingly, create life that you can't stay to raise but that doesn't stop me from wishing. I know that I have to be alive to make a decision to have a child with Kill and that I don't want to leave him alone. I've had a girlfriend offer her eggs and another offer to surrogate for us and I've talked about adoption with my friends too. Our friends are very, very generous :). Those are the kind of offers that touch your soul.

I just don't have any answers, right now, but Kill says that he'd rather have me than lose my life because we've taken a risk. Who knows what life holds but maybe if I get to be exceptional then being a mum could be a reality for me? I'll keep it on my secret wishlist.

Love,
Cail

p.s. Look at Lance, he had children after both chemotherapy and surgery (his most recent pregnancies were all natural). People do it and it could be us!

Good Wednesday to you!

It's a good Wednesday and I'm heading to the gym to work out with Patrick the Trainer. He recently proved what a good cancer trainer he is, although, I may his first cancie, when I had to have a barfing session at the gym. I always suss out the receptacle that I'll be sick in which, in this case, was a garbage can nearby. It must have been the chemo because I'm less likely to be pregnant than a boy*. His lack of disgust when I threw-up is why 50 year old trainers are way cooler than 20 somethings and anyone with 4 boys can handle anything!

Getting ready not to vomit means that I'm eating hearty minestrone soup, bread that I cut the mold off of and green tea. What a great day and I don't want any crap about cutting off the mold, by the way because I left nice, wide margins!

*An interesting medical hypocrisy is that at a CT scan the nurses will not perform the scan unless you put, in writing, that there is no chance you could be pregnant but my oncologist always says that "anything could happen and am I using protection?" It's funny like I'm still a teenager and I wonder, do they say that to 40 year olds too?
p.s. I had to double check that this was hypocrisy but now I feel confident, thanks Wikepedia!