It's Nice to Have Proof for Hope

Kill said that line to me today and I really liked it. We were talking to a man at my CT scan whose wife (lung cancer patient) was put on "Quality of Life" protocol which happens when your body isn't responding to any medications and the doctors feel that your amount of time left is unknown. It would be pretty devastating to be told that and it was for them. The man said that on their next visit her doctors told her that her cancer was dormant. It's been dormant for 6 months and they don't know why, isn't that cool? I didn't even know that could happen but I like it. The husband said that there's always hope because strange things happen.

At that same moment my cancer friend Karen showed up and I told her the story. The husband said that his wife is lucky and I whispered to Karen that she and I are lucky too. Maybe we'll go dormant!

So I had a great CT scan and I met with Dr. Temple-Oberle, my plastic surgeon. She and I held breast implants up to my real boobs and consulted the implant catalog :). It was hilarious, she'd hold one up and be like "what do you think" and I'd be like "too big" and she would say "really, I thought too small". She says we'll order a bunch and return the ones we don't like! Also, AlloDerm, the skin graft material being used on me is cadaver skin! I told Dr. T-O that other skin tones would look good on my breast but it turns out that it's the flesh so it's all whitish. Too bad, I would have rocked a half black boob.

I also read this strange ethics document for my plastic surgery that allows her to perform on a stage IV. It was written by a clinical ethicist which must be like a lawyer combined with a doctor. Here are some quotes from it:

• "Ms. R hopes that mastectomy will result in some increase in survival, as well as elimination of the constant reminder of her illness when hugging people." (I only mentioned that hugging business once but they really ran with it. I think because it gave the ethics people a self worth argument.)
• "There is an apparent conflict between respecting Ms. R's autonomous wishes to seek the surgery and the physician's duty not to harm the patient."
• Favorite part: "She is well-educated, young and in a relationship". She is a teacher and a wrestling coach. She lives with her fiance and they plan to marry in August 2013." That information is wildly important, right? Especially how smart I am :).
• "None of the options are clearly more beneficial to Ms. R's personhood." So weird because many options are better for my personhood, especially the procedure that can give a patient slightly more time on earth.. well, if you don't die on the operating table but I don't plan on doing that.
• "If her goal is body image, mastectomy extended by reconstructive surgery is an ethically defensible option. If her goal is anything else, maintenance of her current health status, other options will benefit her more." So wait and see or do something a little risky with a potential pay out? I'm not a gambler but when it comes to my life, I'd rather try for success than do nothing because I'm the person that hovers above 0 on the curve. That person who statistically should be dead but isn't.

Not a bad document, it says that there is no medical evidence that reconstruction will benefit me and that this hinges heavily on my self image and feeling about my appearance. Interesting, that there's no data on whether self worth and feeling attractive will benefit the patient. I feel like in medicine some things are obvious and yet there's no proof so doctors can't/won't consider it. When people feel happy with their appearance they feel better and happier patients seem to do better. See the natural flow of that idea? I do and I'm going for it whole hog. Bring on the surgery!!

Happy Monday!