This weekend I was talking to someone and I said that
"although I got sick, that it's surprising what people can go through and not get sick". The person got insulted and explained that they got very sick after various difficult events in their life. I realized my error right away and it was my use of the term
"sick". See, I use this term to describe myself because I feel that saying that
"I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness" sounds dickish and dramatic so I just say
"sick" instead. The problem is that it sends mixed messages because you can be sick with a cold and sick with potentially terminal cancer but they are not the same thing nor the same intensity.
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| This is from toothpastefordinner.com, hilarious |
Sometimes, I need to use specific terms even if they're scary or sort of melodramatic because my greatest miscommunications have occurred when someone doesn't know how serious my illness is, because I haven't been clear or even mentioned it. I can get insulted when a person lumps two diseases together that I consider to be of a vastly different severity. Like, if you got really awful chicken pox and you were telling me in vivid detail
"how it was the worst experience of your life" then I might feel upset because you're telling your story to me, without realizing that, I've had my doctor tell me exactly how long he thinks that I get to be alive. His theory was shorter than my plan, by the way. However, I've never told you that this has happened to me so how could you know?
It's also tricky because I've had humble people with experiences, like a severe eating disorder, say
"but it's nothing compared to what you are going through" and really, they're illnesses are very life changing and serious! There's two sides to this coin and it boils down to personality types and being as clear as possible. Ultimately, I take responsibility for miscommunications that I cause because I'm not precisely
"sick"and shouldn't use that term to describe myself :) especially because I don't plan on being someone living with
"incurable" illness forever.
Have these types of miscommunications ever happened to you?
5 comments:
Cail, I can understand from both points of view. I didn't know what exactly you meant when you told me you were "sick". You are so positive and always make things sound really positive so at first I wasn't sure what kind of sick. I used to have the inclination to roll my eyes when someone told me about the worst experience ever but now I think I realized that most people will never go through anything life-altering and have no basis of comparison. Also, humans seem prone to drama and theatrics and saying things they don't even understand so I hear "the worst" and "the most [insert adjective here]" all the time. We are funny beings. :).
Ps I love the TOC-ing warden. Hahaha. Ahhhh, the life of tocs in any profession (whether we want to or not).
Carter!! I thought you'd appreciate the substitute warden cartoon :). It's true that if a student said something about the worst experience ever then I wouldn't hold it against them because teenagers are pretty dramatic. Should I be holding adults to a higher standard or is that unfair? Is it hard when people know that you have a severe pain related illness and they don't help you with tricky tasks like steak cutting?
Cail----Someone wouldn't cut your steak? Just like my lovely ex wouldn't help me cut my ridiculously large stalk of broccoli and Mel Chua had to lean over and do it?
As I have met more and more adults in my adult life and as I continue to meet more and more teenagers... I think a lot of them are the same! :0 Gasp!!!!!!
"Then you should say what you mean, the March Hare went on." "I do, Alice hastily replied; at least - at least I mean what I say - that's the same thing you know."
from Alice in Wonderland.
Oh yes! Miscommunication! I think it's the human condition!
You asked so here goes: In a way, I think it is unfair to hold adults to a higher standard. I love children because they generally will say exactly what they think. As adults we learn to be "diplomatic" and obscure our true thoughts and feelings: I think we do that for a range of motives (some healthy and some not). It takes a high level of trust and lots of work to get to a place where you can communicate well. Usually you only get to that place in a kind and loving and healthy relationship; with friends, siblings, parents. When you do you are truly blessed because you can say anything you think or feel and you will not be sorry afterwards because each person in the communication will always have the opportunity to discuss further and then to learn and grow.
For example:
I remember a good friend of mine once saying to me "Hmm...you're almost handsome but your nose is too big and your mouth is too small." We laugh about it now because (well...it's true and being almost handsome is fine with me) she loves me so I know she was being completely frank with me which I think is a real gift!
Although I don't recommend being that blunt unless you already have a good relationship. I.e don't try that on the first date! Lol
MX
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