That Time I got Addicted to Narcotics

I was carried by paramedics and it was like I was Cleopatra!

Once, many months ago, I had a portion of my L2 vertebrae disintegrate. I got out of bed and then my spine no longer felt solid and I collapsed on the floor. Luckily, our mattress was on said floor, so I shimmied onto it and then located some clothes with my dextrous toes. The paramedics came and juiced me up on morphine which allowed me to be moved and assessed at the hospital... where they told me that it was nothing, just a small back break. Oh you hilarious doctors and your cavalier attitudes! Anyhow, I received a prescription for Oxycodone (you know, Oxycontin's weaker sister) and then I took them for a week, until I ran out, at which time I stopped taking them.

Turns out that these crappy pills are addictive and that you're supposed to wean yourself off of them, which I did not know. So I was edgy for a week, I thought everyone was stupid and I got the man sweats. I say man sweats because up until this point I sweated in a sort of cute or sexy way, I thought. I mean hot yoga aside, I never felt beastly. Now I was sweating through my pants and it was not sexy, at all. I really feel for hairy, sweaty dudes because it's hard to choose your clothes based on sweat show through and it's not comfortable nor endearing.

So if you ever get prescribed narcotics then I suggest you wear a black, cotton uni-suit for a week and sequester yourself for a bit afterwards.