Remembering Cailey

Flowers are beautiful and they smell very nice, however in lieu of sending them to Cailey's family members, we ask instead that you please donate to Cailey's Run for the Cure account. Donations can be made here.

Thank you everyone for all of the kinds words and thoughts.

Passing of a Wonderful Young Lady

Cailey, who had been living with stage four metastatic breast cancer for the past two and a half years, passed away on August 30, 2013. Cailey and I (her husband, Kill) had been told by her oncologist on August 9th that her liver was failing and that she only had a few weeks of life left. After that day Cailey and I strived to fill our remaining days together with as much love, life, and fun as we possibly could. We took bike rides along the banks of the Bow River in Calgary, we walked in the community of Kensington and drank tea, we sat together and we laughed. Amidst all of that we also threw a wedding in the beautiful community of Hills, BC.

Cailey was the most genuine, loving, and caring person I have ever known. I can't help but feel that the world is a sadder place without her in it, but then I think about all of the things that Cailey has taught me over the years.  She taught me to be kind to myself, but more importantly she taught me to be kind to others. She showed me that when I make sure to meet the needs of others they will in turn help me meet my needs too.

Cailey's goal in life was to find happiness each day, and although some days seemed more difficult than others, she would always find a way to do something for herself to be happy. Sometimes this just meant sitting and drinking a cup of her favourite tea or listening to her favourite song, but most of the time it meant connecting with the people in her life that meant the most to her. At a sad time like this, Cailey would have desired for everyone to take a portion of their day to be with the people they most cherish. Sit with them, laugh with them, be with them. And although Cailey's passing is tough to bear she left me with a simple statement:

"I loved you all so very much. Please miss me but don't focus on my dying because you'll do me a disservice :)"

Cailey's life was full of love, and when she passed away she was able to leave having experienced so much in her short time. She had travelled the world, she had turned her passion of teaching young people into an enriching career, and luckily for both of us she had met someone whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It is rare to have had such a short but rich life. It was an honour to have been a part of it with her as it is an honour to be writing this letter to you all now.

I love you and I miss you Cailey.

Kill

Scary Stuff - Zombie Survivor Run

Firstly, today is one of those curl up in the fetal position days although, I did just made myself get dressed so I could act like a real human. Whenever my throat is sore and it hurts to swallow, I have bad days because food taunts me with it's smells.

Bad days aside, Kill and I did the funnest zombie survivor run this Saturday to raise money for paediatric cancer. I was very frightened in the morning because I no longer run since my collapsing vertebrae experience of April 2012. Although I cried on the way there, because I have the hormones of both a menopausal woman and a teenage girl, once we got there we were good. I jogged a little, walked and was carried so it was kind of the perfect "run" in my opinion. We felt very proud of ourselves afterward because we pushed past the fear. Hooray to us and to our handing in of the insurance form to the zombie run people with a straight face. Fake till you make it my friends.

Love,

Cailey

New Hair at the Lake

Although we barely have internet here at the lake, I feel guilty that I've had my new, beautiful wig for so long without it's debut. It is strawberry chestnut with touches of blonde and it was dyed perfectly at Compassionate Beauty in Calgary, Alberta. I've never had a real hair wig before and I love how it air dries a bit wavy just like my real hair used to. This look involved wetting the wig, letting it dry over a MEC thermos and then putting it into a pillowcase for travel. Hearty little thing, my wig :).

Love,
Cailey

p.s. I got the best e-mail recently from a blog reader/cancie wife and it was like eating the perfect meal. She said that sometimes you just want to read about people living with cancer instead of "wish on a star" cure stories. I completely agree with her.

p.p.s. In case you ever look at pictures of people and think that your life isn't as good as theirs (Facebook, you awful website) know that it's not true. The pictures may look beachy but that glow you see? It's from a series of consecutive vomits which I performed in the wee hours of the morning and bless the Kill family because none of them even awoke!

So Many Things To Tell You About!

Old brows 

Oh my gosh my last post was 2 weeks ago!

That is simply too long and so much has happened my sweeties. I bought a human hair wig that is dyed a light, squirrel colour but a really, really beautiful squirrel. I am getting it cut tomorrow and then debuting it on the blog!

I got my eyebrows tattooed on and they look amazing and then today I got my eyeliner tattoed. See, I'm getting all ready to marry Kill in the middle of August and I want to be the prettiest, bald bride ever. It's not such a big group of people so I may have a sporting chance.

Well, I'm going to bed to watch the UK television show "Sherlock Holmes" will Kill.

New brows

The Best Take-Out Foods After Chemotherapy

Since last round of chemo was so brutal that I took time off from blogging (and from my regular self), I have been using the last few weeks to plan out my next round arriving in a few days time. I have a plan for the fourth and fifth days which were the hardest seeing as the strong drugs are done and I'm on my own. The plan involves going to my dad's house during the day instead of being alone and sitting on the couch with Sophie, our sweet springer spaniel.

I'm getting away from the point though, here is the culmination of much research into which take-out foods you should get your little chemie after they've been poisoned by their oncologist*. These are restaurants in Calgary, Canada although, the foods themselves are universally beneficial post-chemo. Click on the links attached to each restaurant to see their Urbanspoon listing and in the case of multiple locations I just chose the ones that I most frequent. I'm confident that that little nugget of information won't lead to stalking because really, who would want to stalk me? I'd pick someone way cooler.

Best Take-Out Foods for Chemotherapy

1. The fusili pollo limone at La Viena Restaurant. It's chicken soup in pasta form and it has a nice lemony after flavor. The mixed salad from here would round out the meal and has a succulent dressing that is light and neutral. There's something Caesar-like about the dressing but without any dairy and the owner makes her own pasta.
2. The chicken soup or the minestrone from Lina's Italian Market is like having an Italian mother come to your house and kiss you. I don't even eat chicken and I'd still eat this soup for the broth and the little pasta pieces.
3. Anything from Booster Juice or Jugo Juice because you really need the hydration and both regular size servings are a nice number of calories to re-fatten your little cancer patient. I personally like something with either peaches, strawberries or watermelon.
4. The udon noodle soup from either Tenshi Sushi or Globefish. It has cabbage and broccoli for digestion but the broth is lovely and gently scented with ginger.
5. The seafood noodle soup at the Calgary Court Restaurant in Chinatown. It has whole heads of bok choy to cleanse the palate but the clear broth is pleasant, fresh and light in your tummy. The noodles are perfectly al dente, long and skinny.
6. Nice, little pizza's from Pulcinella or Famoso Pizzeria are fun to eat and can be saved for later. I prefer the marinara because it's without cheese but the quattro staggione at Pulcinella's or the Capricciosa at Famoso are good too. Famoso has vegan cheese available as well! 
7. If your cancie doesn't have mouth sores (sugar and mouth sores aren't friends because it seems to make them worse) and they want a special treat then the Vegan Lemon Cashew Coconut Square from The Coup is phenomenal. It's got a date almond crust and a light lemony flavor but without any heavy ingredients that might sit badly in a chemie's stomach.

May you have luck if you're doing chemo or if you're trying to get your loved one to eat something this week.

Love,
Cailey

*Sorry to my delightful Dr. Webster, as I know that his poisonings are keeping me alive and that he's studied very hard to balance the effects with my safety. No matter how tricky chemo gets, I do still like him very much.

When You Realize That You're Less Awesome Than You Thought

At least my toes look awesome

So, I normally feel pretty good about myself because I think that I'm doing all of these awesome things and that I'm vigilantly healing my body.  This last week, was not about that at all. This last week was rough.

Although I was super pleased that my most recent CT results showed my tumors shrinking, I had not realized that Dr. Webster had me on the lightest dose of this Red Devil chemo that exists. It turns out that he was so worried about the extreme side effects that he had me on the same dose that you'd give kittens or butterflies. Because I'm a foolish girl, I gamely told him to ramp it up and that I could take more. Up until now I had taken whatever was thrown at me so you could forgive my ignorance. Well, I'm so tough when I'm on whiffs of chemotheraphy but what happened when I was on the real dosage?

I became a dehydrated, sad zombie-like girl. I thought that no one could help me and that I would never enjoy the feel of liquids running down my throat again. I lived in fear of the dry heave (which was stupid because I still did it all of the time.) Side note: my abs are looking awesome from the heaving....one solace is that I can search bathing suit websites for ways to show them off even if the effect will be ruined when I barf while sun bathing.
 I would like to sincerely apologize to anyone who has ever read this blog and thought that I was tougher than them because I'm actually not tough at all. I'm sure that you're way cleverer than me and that you don't alienate all of your loved ones because you'd like them to leave you alone while you self destruct. I am especially sorry that I used the last 2 days to snark at my best friend.

Because blogs shouldn't focus on complaining, please know that I have a plan.

1. Borrow my mums juicer for next round and drink fresh juice so that I have some hydration. This will work because water tastes flat and stale but juice tastes good so long as it doesn't have preservatives or sugar because those things now taste disgusting to me.
2. Sequester myself in a room with a bed and sleep for 5 days after chemo. Speak to no one and then I'll be so grateful when I get to back amongst the regulars.
3. Go to the library and take out 12 books. Finish books while alone in my room.
4. Buy wet wipes so that I maintain passable personal hygiene during sequestering period.
5. Make a pile of 5 pairs of pajamas next to my bed for previously discussed hygiene.
6. Create a stack of enveloped notes for Kill and leave them where he is. That way he can have evidence that I was sweet, once, before the chemo. Include gifts with the notes.
7. Use Q tips to create a sweet smelling biosphere in my nose. You can accomplish this by Q-tipping a small amount of scented lotion up your nose twice a day. It really works, I used to do it when I coached Junior High wrestling.
8. Pre-write peppy blogs, set to post while I'm in sequestering room. That way I can seem way more "together" than I actually am.

The Key is preparation and that was my error this time. I fell apart because I wasn't anticipating the longevity or intensity of the chemo effects. I will not make this mistake again.

Love,

Foolish Cailey